your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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