I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
