Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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