He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
