In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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