I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
