just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
