You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
