franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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