that's an acceptable place to lick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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