dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
