someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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