Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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