I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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