Someone shit on the floor
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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