When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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