I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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