he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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