Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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