the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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