We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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