Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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