I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
