so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
