Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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