omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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