I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
