I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
