I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
