U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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