i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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