4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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