At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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