when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
