Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
