just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
