FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
