One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
