Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
