then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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