I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize