She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
