Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
