and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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