Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize