so that wasnt chicken after all
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
