You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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