I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dicks are not precious.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize