Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
