Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
