Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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