your parents love me but you hate me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
