i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
