Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
