I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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