I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
