Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
