I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
