WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
