so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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