omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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