my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
