Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
