I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
